I wrote these words two or three years ago and yes, she did actually say "I'm not bringing you with me again". If only I had stood my ground. A trip to Ikea is simply not my idea of fun. It is probably gender related, but I did hear a bloke say the other day that he quite liked Ikea? On the other hand, on one occasion at the check out, the man in the next aisle did turn to his wife and say "do you mean to tell me that you've brought me all this way for four bloody candles"! Now that is a sentiment to which I can relate. There is a youtube link Variety Show. The track can be heard on Soundcloud.


Have you noticed the spring in my step?

The clouds have all gone from the sky

Can you hear a lilt in my voice?

Have you seen the light in my eye?

If things go according to plan,

I will be the happiest of men.

I still can’t believe that she said,

“I’m not bringing you with me again”


Not bringing me back to Ikea,

Oh joy, oh rapture, oh bliss!

There’s nothing I’d like less,

Than the next Ikea trip not to miss!

It’s just not “match of the day”,

And they don’t sell beer, but then,

It won’t be a problem since hearing the words,

“I’m not bringing you with me again”


The thought of not doing the trudge

Has lightened my sense of dread.

If she should change her mind, I think

It will really screw up my head.

You’ll see steam coming out of my ears,

As slowly I count one to ten,

And remind her of the vow she made,

“I’m not bringing you with me again”


She must have noticed me yawning.

There can’t be much less exciting,

Whiling away what seems like forever,

The prospect is riot inciting.

She may need some reminding, but

I won’t let her forget the time when,

She happened to mention in passing…

“I’m not bringing you with me again”


Paul J Openshaw (2010)

© Paul J Openshaw 2012